Practicing what I preach

The day before yesterday, I fought with the demons in my head
Telling me I was unloved, unappreciated…
It was our 6th Wedding Anniversary and no card or flowers for me
But I got through the whole day with very little self-pity
It became my meditation practice to spot those voices
Before they took hold, then give them all a hug
Even though I know many would say I deserve more
I chose not to tell them. I do not need their pity
Instead, I smiled, yes smiled which always takes away that feeling of gloom
And listened to my own voice
My own true voice, telling me a card means nothing
From a man who’s actions speak louder than elaborate gestures
And being in a marriage with love and support, is what counts

Yesterday, I fought with feelings of sickness in my belly
Knowing I had brought it on myself
Too much coconut oil made me sick
But I chose to learn the lesson
And let go of frustration and guilt
I chose to be at peace
And rest, without resistance, with the feeling of nausea
The relief that came afterwards was great
Today I choose to rest some more
And eat when I’m ready to, not out of guilt
Although I feel weak in body, I feel strong in mind
I have no sense of ‘being strong’ about making any of these choices
There is only acceptance of what is

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