My ego hates that I’m posting this! ‘Spotting the ‘poor me’ swindle’

It dawned on me today
By contrast of a proactive couple of days   
I’ve been functioning on a need-to-do basis:
Get up, only when I need to,
Get out the house, when I need to,
Cook a meal, when I need to,
Looking back, I’ll call it
My irresponsible phase
And my ego hates me for admitting it publicly – hah!

So here comes my full confession:
I’ve been living for the weekends
Waiting for my husband to come home
Then feeling bad 
As he powers round the place
Repairing, mowing,
Cooking, carpet cleaning,
Washing, entertaining…

At first, I feel defensive
Especially when he mutters under his breath
As I laze on the sofa feeling quite bereft
I’m pregnant is my very best excuse 
But eventually the guilt eats away at me
So I switch to procrastinating instead
Wasting yet more time, lazing in my bed
So I write about it and then write some more
Working through my thoughts and feelings
Until there is no more
Eventually I start to feel a spark of motivation
And my inertia comes to a head
I start with the small things and gradually build up
Now I begin to feel good about myself again
And my ego swings the other way
From ‘poor me’ to ‘look at me’
As my attention turns to our lodger
Who I start to realise is just like I was
Full of good intentions and impeccable excuses
His mind is also elsewhere
Only focused on a lady and driven to dispair
So I start to nag him, and rightly so
Pointing the finger feels so good
But when he grumbles back at me
I spot my righteous show

So what have I learned?
What more is there to say?
It took me a while to get this far
But that’s perfectly okay
Now I am here, my new awareness
Allows me to take a different path
When I catch myself justifying
Or going on the defensive
I’ll call my own excuses 
‘Cause the antidote to my inaction
And feeling sorry for myself
Is to listen to the advice I give out so readily
And stop regurgitating what the ‘poor me’ voice is sobbing in my ear
Say ‘thank you’ then do it anyway
Take responsibility
And get my metaphorical arse out of bed!  

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